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Saturday, February 23, 2008♥ 9:15 PM
Though its my turn to share on the psalms. i wont share on it because honestly, i haven't been reading it, because i have been busy, very busy. its like having school till like late afternoons or cca till 6 or 7. and now i have to juggle with cheer, and seriously, my house cheer is only 30 seconds done, after today. and i have like 3 or 4 tests a week. but i don't want to give that excuse anymore that because i am busy, i cant spend time with god, i cant read a psalm a day because i have been sleeping late and waking up late, so i cant do this i cant do that.
i felt no point of sharing a psalm as i felt that i have lost that sensitive touch with god. even at the alter call last week, i didn't feel anything. and sometimes even at when people pray i don't feel much, i sometimes wonder why people can go so emotional and cry when i felt nothing, maybe it was because i was new and i didn't really knew god, i told myself. i ever asked myself if i was the problem, like if i was the one that didn't want to go too close to god, that i couldn't release everything to him.maybe it might be so. but then there were really times where i really felt god. i need to go encounter again! haha but maybe not now, sorry god but i am still very busy even if i go i wouldnt be able to concentrate.
back to the point.
"ITS TIME TO WAKE UP MAVIS!" i think that is what god is trying to say to me, though it might sound a little funny, but i have to admit, i really do need to wake up.
i need to discipline myself, if not someone will do it for me and i don't like it, yet disciplining yourself is really hard. no matter how hard i try to avoid temptation, there is always a time where i cant resist and do something which i shouldn't. like breaking fast, once, in school. because i ate something accidentally, then i said to myself that, ah since i broke fast, never mind la, just eat lor. and watching tv, because the tv is just outside my room every time i walk in and out i will pass by and sometimes, i will naturally sit down and watch, then i will realise that i shouldn't be watching tv. ya. but i couldn't resist to watch the yog hais! i was suppose to be there to support. but it was the last day of Chinese new year so i ate at home. but oh wells.
BACK TO THE POINT.
ah hem
so i spent about 15 minutes, kneeling down, telling god that i am sorry and started to worship him. sadly it was only for 15 minutes as my aunt and uncle came. so they interrupted and i feel very conscious when they are around. so ya. i am very easily distracted.. but i am happy as i felt that as i sing, i felt something really different, i couldn't resist but my hand was moving to my heart (as i already had one hand there) and it touched my other hand, i felt that it was not my hand but god's. he was telling me 'i am coming back here'. i felt really relieved after that and was smiling. haha. lucky i didn't cry like terribly, if not my aunty and uncles will think that i got bullied or something.
haha i think this is rather the long. so i made my point and i hope that when you guys read this, something will apply to you!
♥ Mavis
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